Author: Cat

and ‘officially’ cancer free 🎉

I knew when we were sitting in the waiting room that it was going to be good news. I’d asked the Universe for a sign and had received nothing, then suddenly they were everywhere.

A car parking space.

4:44

Positive messages on socials

Prince playing in the waiting room, followed by Madonna and Holiday!

I felt an overwhelming sense of comfort and relief, bathed in a warm glow that physically made me sigh deeply. I felt gratitude on a profound level. I could feel tears building, and a catch in my throat.

Then we were called in.

I have said this before and I will shout it from every rooftop. The NHS staff, from the ported to the consultant oncologist have been outstanding. This day was no exception. Mr Trainor, Sebastian, my oncologist was bursting to read the results of the bone and various CT scans. He was as choked as me and my husband were when he raced though the summary and declared me cancer free. We hugged. We cried.

I have beaten cancer.

No, the wonderful medical team and I have beaten cancer.

I still have one of hell of a journey ahead of me.

6 months aggressive chemo (1 session every 3 weeks to give my body chance to recover).

4 weeks of radiotherapy (8 weeks after last chemo session).

Medically induced menopause throughout.

Hormone treatment ongoing.

And all the side effects that will bring and entail.

I won’t lie, I’m scared but I’m taking a lot of time for self care. I’m strengthening my mindset and focusing on the good, joyful things I have in my life.

I will get through this, one day at a time.

It’s the one thing I am really struggling to get my head around. I’m not sure why, it’s not like I have luscious long flowing locks. Nope, had a pixie cut for years because my hair is so fine it’s impossible to have it in any other style. But this has been really bothering me.

I want to embrace it, waltz into the hairdressers (Scott Banks, Wakefield highly recommend!) and ‘do a Brittany’ but it’s so hard. It’s part of my identity isn’t it? It’s how people recognise you.

Anyway, was texting with the boy about it and I received this message back ❤️ I mean 🥲 how bloody lucky am I?

I know how it will go. I’ll turn to the Universe for guidance and it will be ‘Go all in, throw a party, take your gang and go wig shopping then have a slap up lunch somewhere really posh with cocktails and the works’.

Hmmm 🤔 maybe, watch this space cos I’ll need to act fast, first chemo session is in 17 days!

Was it something I did? Did I party too hard when I was younger? Did I drink too much? Did I smoke too much? Did I not exercise enough? Eat enough healthy food? Sunbathe too much?

Was I a bad MoFo in another life?

Information overload at today’s oncology appointment. We we’re going through treatment plans but wow – I’m going to need a week or two to digest everything and read all the information I was given!

So 19 lymph nodes were removed, 6 were cancerous.

It’s no longer a grade 1 but now a grade 2.

I’ll need 6 months of chemo in 3 week cycles, starting 18th October. I will lose my hair.

I’ll need 4 weeks for radiotherapy x 5 days a week.

I’ll need some kind of hormone treatment as I’m pre menopausal & chemo will push me through the menopause.

It’s going to be a long, harsh winter I feel 😢

I mean, it was to be expected really because, well it’s me after all.

I’ve lost count of the number of ear operations I’ve had because the first one didn’t work. Didn’t think it would apply to boobs too!

It’s quite a lucky op to be honest. A couple of weeks after ‘the big one’ I found what I thought was another new lump and it was whilst this was being investigated that they found the ‘rogue’ lymph node so thank goodness I got it checked out.

So once this op is over and I’ve recovered we’ll be on to CT scans on Monday 4th October and I already have my date to start chemotherapy but more about that in another post, right now I’m needed for surgery!

Cat x

Ah, what a start to a morning. I just did the most wonderful meditation and my guides of the highest truth & compassion reached out to let me know that everything is going to be ok. I’m going to be fine. Cancer is not going to kill me. It’s not going to take me too soon. I have books to write, my place in the world to reclaim. I am going to be fine. All is well x

Results Day, Friday 17th September 2021

I don’t really know what I expected to be told on Friday. I think I thought they would say, it’s all gone, a couple of shots of radiotherapy then you can get on with your life – you’ll have beaten cancer. They did tell me that the margins around Lenny the Lump were clear and that they’d removed 16 lymph nodes, 6 of which had cancer in them, so that’s good, right?

I should have told the surgeon to stop talking right there because what came next was a shocker.

I didn’t expect to be told I needed another operation to remove a further ‘rogue’ lymph node, which is separate from the ones they’d taken from under my arm and is cancerous.

This will then be followed by 6 months of chemotherapy, in 4 – 5 week cycles.

A further 4 weeks Radiotherapy plus CT & bone scans throughout to make sure it isn’t spreading.

All of the above depends on the results of an initial CT scan and bone scan which should take place this week.

All in all, I’m looking at 12 – 18 months of treatment.

I have a further appointment on Thursday with the oncology team as well having to self isolate ahead of a Covid test on Monday, ready for the operation next Wednesday.

I’ve taken time over the weekend to let it all sink in, but honestly I’m not sure it ever will. It’s a lot, right? It’s not a blip, a something to worry about later kind of thing?

Just don’t ask me how I feel because I honestly couldn’t tell you. I really don’t know. I’m not upset (I don’t think) and I am the kind of person that ‘just gets on with it’ so for now, for today that’s my attitude. Let’s get on with it. Let’s do this. Let’s beat this motherfucker and kick it’s ass to the kerb.

Yeah, that’s how I feel today.