You will lose your hair if you’re having Chemotherapy. There’s no getting around it (unless you opt for a cold cap, which I haven’t). It was the first thing that was said to me and it was the hardest thing for me to accept.
I don’t have a massive amount of hair, I’ve rocked the pixie cut for years as my hair is fine and it doesn’t really suit me any other way. But it’s my hair. Cancer has interrupted my life on so many levels, must it take my hair as well?
I’ve wrestled with this so much. I’ve cried, I’ve sulked, ranted, complained. I’ve asked the Universe for guidance. I’ve asked how can I see this differently?
And on Sunday I had my answer.
I’d been ‘called’ to go for a walk since Friday but I’d pushed it to one side until Sunday afternoon when I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I took my ear plugs, opened podcasts with no particular one in mind and to my surprise it was highlighting a podcast by Oprah ‘Super Soul’. She was chatting with the author of The Alchemist and I felt it was right for me to press play. It was so interesting, and I found myself nodding along with a lot of what was said.
Suddenly, the word ‘ego’ cropped up in my mind and less than a minute later, the author started talking about fear and how the ego will block your thought process and hinder the clarity that you’re looking for.
It was a huge revelation for me on 2 levels. Firstly, the word Ego just coming to mind – WTF?
The reason I was struggling with my hair loss was my ego blocking my thought process. It was my ego that was resisting change; would people laugh and point? Would my head look weird? Will I feel insecure? Will people judge me, pity me?
What I needed to do was to acknowledge that my ego didn’t get a say here. What DID and does get a say is my level of gratitude and appreciation.
LOSING MY HAIR MEANS THE TREATMENT IS WORKING.
LOSING MY HAIR MEANS I AM DOING EVERYTHING I CAN TO PROLONG MY LIFE.
Did losing a scruffy mop of hair outweigh being around to see my son continue his own journey? Was being around to play with Milo and meeting my grandbabies more important than hair that would, eventually grow back anyway? Wasn’t enjoying a retirement travelling the world with my husband more important??
So today is the big day. It’s already dropping out in handfuls, and honestly? I can’t wait to get rid. It’s itchy, it’s all over my pillow and it’s driving me insane!
My amazing hairdresser has loaned me his clippers, and Dan is coming round later today for the big shave. I might even film it, you never know.
So if you’re on this journey, I really hope more than anything this post helps you view hair loss differently. I hope it gives you a bit more confidence. Please do leave a comment below if it’s helped you in someway, I’d love to hear from you.