It’s hard to say how I feel in all honesty. Today (Saturday) has been the hardest day simply because we had to head up to mum & dads. For a bit of background, mum has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s whilst dad is receiving end-of-life care at home for heart failure. This has been going on for a while (since end of June), and thankfully I was able to get a mix of NHS and private paid health care in place before my treatment began. So this morning my son, Daniel was taking his turn in helping out with his grandparents but he had to take Milo with him, and as much as Milo is a good boy it can be a stressful environment at the best of times. Throw in the fact that Dan broke his foot a couple of weeks ago!! Seriously, you couldn’t make up this shit! Anyway, Mark and I headed up to give Dan a break and took over for a while. This is when it hit me that I’m not myself at all. I’ve been lucky (incredibly, stupidly lucky and forever grateful) that when I’m at home and throughout treatment I don’t need to work. I can put my needs first, sit, rest and do what my body needs so today was a bit of shock to the system. Dashing up and downstairs. ‘Doing’ mums hair, organising lunch, even the mental strain of keeping up with mums bat shit crazy world were all thoroughly draining.
I felt/ feel very discombobulated 😕 It’s probably easier to list;
– Nauseous 🤢 constant feeling of being on a boat.
– Tired physically but also quite ‘antsy’ as in restless and twitchy.
– Spaced out. It’s obvious I have poison running through my system and I feel once removed from myself!
I must remember that this isn’t my new ‘normal’ but I must also not chase the feeling of what is ‘normal’ just yet. I have only just started this process. I am only 5 days in. Compared to how I will be, today is more than likely a bloody good day!
So for the rest of today I’m checking out, knitting & scoffing popcorn 🍿
Week One nearly over, one session of 6 done ✅